April 23, 2005

• If you can't live a week without water, then how can you go two weeks without a post from me?
  
  >>someone who went too long without reading a xanga post of mine<<
  ((you may not want to click that... well you can't say I didn't warn you))

  
  

  You simply can't, so being the nice guy I am, I decided to post for everyone. I don't want anyone dying on me now. Oh, but you better read this one.

  
  

  "Oh, God of Xanga, where have you been," you may ask?

  
  

  That's an interesting question. Normally, I hate talking about my real life, but for some reason, I feel like being generous and letting everyone in on what it is I do. Gah... where do I begin?

  
  

  
  The Good Ol' Boys never looked so good.

  
  

  You guessed it! Jake and I were given a modest proposal from a network television company to recreate one of the most classic TV shows ever: The Dukes of Hazzard.

  
  

  Being that I love bluegrass rock and really old muscle cars, this is probably one of the coolest things that has happened to me in the past month. Be prepared to see our show air on every TV station ALL THE TIME. Yeah, the show is that good. In fact, next time you see me, you should ask for an autograph.

  
  

  With all this new fortune Jake and I have acquired, we've been hitting the open road and expanding our horizons. Both of us bought hogs, or "motorcycles" for those not hip to the biker lingo, and tore up some highway.

  
  

  
  Jake, aka Hell-Porker, born 2 B wild.

  
  

  Jake maybe went a little too far out with this biker thing. Personally, I enjoyed it for a couple days until the leather gave me a rash. Maybe a little TMI (that's how you say "too much info" if you're really hip like I am), but you took the risk of learning that by reading my xanga. So... while Jake was still enjoying his cross-country hog-romp, I decided to take a trip to China... or someplace like that. I don't really know for sure, but there were a lot of AZN peepz n it wuz fun. I even made a friend!

  
  

  
  Me and my new Asian friend, Cao Pi, enjoying some of the sites of his country.

  
  

  I learned a whole lot about Asia in the short time (two days) I was there. For instance, did you know that Asia has a lot of short people? Could have fooled me with that Yao Ming character.

  
  

  Well there was a lot of other interesting facts about Asia, but I forgot them, so I'll move on...

  
  

  Everyone hear this: if you litter, I am going to kick your ass.

  
  

  That sounds a little radical, right? Not after you find out that I'm Captain Planet!!

  
  

  
  The power is MINE, damn it.

  
  

  So if you're thinking that this whole me-being-a-nature-loving-superhero thing is new... well, you're right. It is. What happened was I was spending my Tuesday the way I normally do:

  
  

  -killing small defenseless animals for great corporate monetary gain.
  -cutting down whole forests just for fun.
  -pouring all my nuclear waste (no, not my poop...I'm not Jay Huff) into natural water reserves.
  -working in my evil tree/animal/natural fuel burning factory because I think dark clouds are cool.

  
  

  Well you get the point. I was filling my anti-environmental quota, and those darned planet-punks tried to stop me! They called forth the big blue planet dude and I was force to kick his ass. Gaia, the mother of Earth, was so impressed by me that she made me the new Captain Planet. The rest is history.

  
  

  
  Old picture.. taken circa August 2004... and we were trying to look cheesy.. so shut up.

  
  

  Last, but certainly not least, I hung out with my dear Elisa recently... which happens about once every month. Before I show you pictures, I need to explain a couple things:

  
  

  First off, if you are wondering who Elisa is, first off, she is NOT my girlfriend, but instead just a really good friend of mine. She has a boyfriend, Daniel Rueb, and he's really hot (I'd do him), so stop thinking bad thoughts about us.

  
  

  Secondly, from here on out, my Xanga is rated PG13...

  
  

  Now... onto the pictures.

  
  

  My French Professor, ou mon prof de la francais si vous etes francais(e), had a lecture over the French culture. <sarcasm>Anyone that knows me, knows that I LOVE the french and I would die to attend a lecture like concerning their culture.</sarcasm> So really I just thought it would be a good excuse to hang out with Elisa (score!) while I get extra credit in my french class (2xSCORE!)

  
  

  The lecture was thrilling. Elisa kept taking pictures of my French Professor because he's really hot (I'd do him) while Monsieur Clement went over some exciting subjects. example:

  
  

  We learned about...
  
  self explanatory picture... unless you don't know french.

  
  

  After nailing subject matter such as "le Coq," Elisa and I returned to my car to play around... I mean with toys... ok not those toys... well actually...

  
  

  
  Ok... a beanie babie, a stuffed Bulldog, and what the hell is that other thing?

  
  

  So you can pretty much find anything and everything in my car... and no I'm not ashamed of it. Anyway, I'm getting off subject (again)...

  
  

  SUDDENLY THE BEANIE BABY AND BULLDOG CAME TO LIFE!!! NOT ONLY THAT, BUT THEY WERE EXTREMELY HORNY!

  
  

  
  the bear, obviously MAULING Elisa

  
  

  
  I apologize to anyone still attending EMHS who has a shred of school pride.
  that was low.

  
  

  I'm done with that... I've sunk too low... or have I? Hold on a second...

  
  

  I am going to pay for this next part...

  
  

  
  SHE'LL KILL ME AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT!

  
  

  So... NOW I'm done with the high school humor, I better set the record straight.

  
  

  Elisa has picture of ME doing the exact same thing on her website... so I feel it's only fair I post this picture. You can go and laugh and leave a comment on her sight.. and Elisa and I will makeup after a month... after which it will be about time for us to hang out again.

  
  

  Hah... well I doubt ANY of you read the whole post... but you should. I put forth way too much effort... and I'll probably cry if you don't read it all.

  
  

  Until next time folks, I'm signing out.

  
  

  

  
  

  ~Taylor Wilson, Staff President

  
  

  //EDIT// Go to AlottaBS's Xanga and see the wonderful photoshop rendering Mrs Simpson (Jake's Mother) did of me, then leave a respectful comment. \TIDE\

  • 10:11 pm
  • 85 Comments